The Secret to Long and Happy Relationships

The Seven Aspects of Spiritual Intelligence hold the secret to long and happy relationships. They are seven aspects of truly loving people… and true love is relationship. If you subscribe to this blog you are familiar with them. They are:

• Commitment
• Enthusiasm
• Openness
• Generosity
• Self-control
• Trust
• Modesty

The most important of these is commitment when it comes to relationships. Trust and enthusiasm or also vital. And here we’re talking about any relationship, from marriage to business partners, to customers.

What is true commitment?

Commitment encompasses loyalty, devotion, fidelity and allegiance. It often requires fortitude and patience. It always requires a conscious decision to take up, and maintain, a position. We make true commitments with clear, conscious decisions based on love.

People in long and happy relationships know that “sticking to it”, even if things look bad, often reaps the most surprising and amazing rewards.

Remaining committed

We must re-commit to our relationships often because our false selves easily distract us. We often break commitments we should keep. This is because the false self doesn’t see the value of commitment if immediate satisfaction of desires is not being met.

We find understanding of commitment deep within us where love shines brightest. Here we learn that the degree to which our commitments are independent of our desires and fears is a sure indication of their authenticity as aspects of love.

Balancing trust

Commitment and trust balance each other out to arrive at good relationships. We have to commit ourselves to relationships. But commitment must never be anxious or neurotic. Trust helps us to keep a healthy detachment. We work towards a successful relationship but we are not obsessed with it. We trust that what must be will be, and we are ready to accept anything.

People who don’t need relationships generally have the most enduring relationships. Their most important relationship is with themselves and that makes them radiate love which builds other relationships. It’s a paradox.

The primary benefit of committing is experienced in the present moment, not at some future time, or to satisfy some need for relationships. Don’t commit because you are compelled to for some form of gratification. Commit because it is good for your soul. It is an aspect of a divine essence in you – an aspect of love.

So commitment must be balanced by trust that things work out in the end. With trust, commitments are beautiful experiences for all concerned. Without trust, they can leave one or both parties feeling trapped or drained.

Enthusiasm’s role

Commitments that destroy enthusiasm may need to be broken. Take the example of marriage. There may be instances when the marriage commitment has to be broken and separation, or divorce, is the only option. Such instances are when the couple involved are starving instead of nourishing each other and the people around them. These are instances when love is rejected and people are being abused – instances where enthusiasm and joy for life are gone.

Or take the example of being committed to a belief or ideology, which could be having a negative impact on a relationship. It may be the commitment to your belief system has to go. The religious girl’s commitment to her dogma may be damaging her relationships because it is closing her down to other perspectives. It is a commitment she is compelled to adhere to, because she thinks it defines who she is – and being compelled is a sure sign it may have to go.

True commitment is never compulsive. It is a fully conscious choice, taking into account the full spectrum of love. It is characterised by enthusiasm and joy.

Commitment to true self

Commitment to our true selves as number one priority is not selfish. It is a commitment to our co-creative role in the universe and our capacity to nourish all those around us through our connectedness. It is fidelity to love that begins and ends with true self.

But we have to discern things carefully. We don’t want to deceive ourselves that we are breaking a relationship for the right reason, when actually it is selfishness.

Discerning which commitments are damaging the co-creative and nourishing role of true self is not a simple task. To discern we have to patiently spend time with true self, where love is. Ending a relationship should never be taken lightly. Before deciding, we must ponder our choices over time so that a loving course of action becomes clear. Our choices will regress to selfishness if we neglect deep spiritual reflection.

Meditation helps discern the way

Meditation is the way to discern best actions in relationships – it opens space for spiritual reflection on life. We have to spend time every day away from the habits and programs of our lives in order to access the guiding love that resides at our centres. It is only through meditation that we can hear the subtle voice of truth. Slowly, slowly our relationships are guided by love. And slowly, slowly life’s choices come into focus.

There is no easy way to long and happy relationships. They require commitment. We must stay the course with a sense of trust or we will upset our relationships. And we must check that we still have joy and enthusiasm.

These three important secrets to relationships; commitment, trust and enthusiasm; are aspects of spiritual intelligence and aspects of love. Love is found in silence, in meditation.

If we want successful relationships there is nothing more important than meditation. Meditation brings all the aspects of love into focus in our lives and helps us discern which relationships to keep and which to let go of.

Long and happy relationships can only thrive with committed discernment, through all the ups and downs. And thriving relationships usher in a happy life. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But over time long relationships make for a happy life. It doesn’t take many – just one or two – the one or two that survive the ups and downs.